My golf club, Angeles National, has an odd locker room. There are two kinds of members at the course, regular members, and 'IMI' members. The 'I' in 'IMI' stands for International. (EDIT: Wasn't easy but after much digging I've finally determined that 'IMI' stands for 'International Membership, Inc.') I'm not sure how or why exactly, but I became an IMI member. There are significantly fewer IMI members, and we get perks that regular members don't, such as charging privileges throughout the course, 15% discount on food & booze, and use of a locker room. (There is no locker room for regular members.) There's also 10-15 reciprocal golf courses I can play at in Japan, hence the 'International.' I am the only non-Japanese IMI member that I've met, though there may be others.
The locker room is really nice, it's top-notch VIP all the way around. They've got a huge TV, comfortable chairs, private showers with private changing rooms, and all the suncreen, lotion, aspirin, toothpaste, mouthwash, etc, that you could want. There's a secret code on a secret door to access it. The problem is, they won't give you an overnight locker, you have to get a day key when you arrive and turn the key in when you leave. Except, they have given out 4-5 honorary permanent lockers to celebrities and PGA pros that play there. Obviously, I want a locker.
When I inquired about how I would go about getting a locker, they told me it was impossible. Though after repeated inquiries they did budge a bit and tell me that when they first built the locker room a lot of members had asked for lockers so the board arbitrarily set the price for a locker at $50K. So far no one has taken them up on this.
I decided I would just put up my own nameplate and see how long it lasts. Everyone at the course knows me well, but there is a bit of a separation between the regular management and the IMI management, so I figured if I put up my own nameplate, each side would assume the other side had given me a locker. Eventually, after a few months, I would just waltz into the pro shop and tell them I lost the key to my locker and could I get a replacement key, please. I took a picture of the nameplates and sent it to a plaque maker and he made me a similar-enough plate. I put it in between Sam Jackson and Don Cheadle, see below:
Plan B. While talking to the manager shortly after this, she told me, somewhat jokingly, that if I got a role in 'Iron Man 3' she would give me a locker. The reason is, Sam Jackson and Don Cheadle were both in 'Iron Man 2' and there is a giant movie poster hanging in the hallway, presumably a donation from them, that is signed by the entire cast.
So I downloaded a poster from 'Iron Man 2' and I got my friend Bob, a photoshop whiz, to put me in the poster, front and center. We changed the 2 to a 3 and put my name in the credits, see below:
I got the poster printed and framed, I autographed it, and I brought it to Angeles National and hung it next to the other poster in the hallway:
This one stayed up for about a week. I finally got the email that, again, they all had a good laugh but they had to take the poster down. This time the manager told me that she had discussed with the board, and they had lowered the price of a locker from $50K to $2,500. I was slightly honored but mostly insulted by this. I told her I was unwilling to pay $2,500 for what was nothing more than a couple of cubic feet of airspace and a $10 name plate, and I offered instead to donate $2,500 to any charity of their choice in exchange for a locker.
She told me that, again, the board discussed it, and they had rejected my offer. So that is where I am at the moment. Lockerless, not happy about it. Plan C is forthcoming.
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