I volunteered to get a new pet for Zoe's old classroom after their frog died. Turns out it's harder than you think... they wanted a turtle but turtles carry salmonella, you have to be really careful about washing your hands. All the frogs and toads also come with a warning: "produces toxin that may cause allergic reaction." I don't want to be the guy that winds up getting some kid sick or covered in hives. The iguanas were cute but they live for 15 years and grow to 4-6 feet. Couldn't find any newts. For a bunch of 3-year-olds, the pet store recommended scorpions, tarantulas, or hermit crabs. I went with the crabs.
I became rather attached to and concerned about them. The following is an email exchange between myself and the director of Zoe's preschool, we'll call him "Chris".
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From: Matt Koskenmaki
To: Chris
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 4:35 PM
Subject: Room 4 animal
To: Chris
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 4:35 PM
Subject: Room 4 animal
Chris, I saw in the newsletter about the dead frogger. I'd like to replace said frog, possibly with a turtle, or two, or whatever I can find. I'm not sure when I'll be able to do this but if someone else volunteers or replaces froggy first, please let me know.
Matt Koskenmaki
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From: Chris
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 4:38 PM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2011 4:38 PM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
Thanks for the thoughtfulness. I will pass along your request to Teacher Elizete and Teacher Cheyenne.
Chris
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
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From: Matt Koskenmaki
To : Chris
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 5:50 PM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
To : Chris
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2011 5:50 PM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
Chris, turns out turtles and froggies are disease-carrying beasts. The best I could do was a couple of hermit crabs. Or as I like to call it, crabby time. If, at any point, the kids would want to care for a couple of hamsters, mice, rats, or guinea pigs, I would be happy to purchase said rodents for the classroom.
Matt Koskenmaki
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From: Chris
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 8:31 AM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 8:31 AM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
Perfect. I will forward the message along.
Chris
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
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From: Matt Koskenmaki
To: Chris
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 8:48 AM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
To: Chris
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 8:48 AM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
Chris, what do you think we should name the hermit crabs?
I came up with a couple of suggestions for the kids:
Salt & Pepper
Sonny & Cher
Frank & Beans
Bert & Ernie
Shaq & Kobe
Ben & Jerry
Mac & Cheese
Penn & Teller
Mike & Ike
Fish & Chips
Peaches & Herb
Sonny & Cher
Frank & Beans
Bert & Ernie
Shaq & Kobe
Ben & Jerry
Mac & Cheese
Penn & Teller
Mike & Ike
Fish & Chips
Peaches & Herb
And of course:
Hall & Oates
Matt Koskenmaki
---
From: Chris
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 9:09 AM
Subject: RE: Room 4 animal
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 9:09 AM
Subject: RE: Room 4 animal
I think the kids should choose, but my vote is for Phineas and Ferb.
Chris
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
---
From: Matt Koskenmaki
To: Chris
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 10:33 AM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
To: Chris
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 10:33 AM
Subject: Re: Room 4 animal
Chris, I'm sorry to report bad news. I fear blue crabby may not have survived transport from pet store to classroom. His/her condition could be described as catatonic, or possibly dead. I'm worried that blue crab may have become enamored with another crab-mate at the pet store, and, having been separated from said crab, fallen into a deep pit of despair and desolation.
My plan is to return to the pet store tomorrow and purchase several more crabs, hopefully one of them will snap blue crab out of his/her funky funk. It's possible that the pet store employees will be able to tell me which crabs they've observed blue crab hanging around with in the habitat.
I will keep you appraised.
Matt Koskenmaki
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From: Chris
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 2:25 PM
Subject: Preschool theme of the week - Death
To: Matt Koskenmaki
Sent: Thursday, April 21, 2011 2:25 PM
Subject: Preschool theme of the week - Death
That is sad, yet funny at the same time. I feel like we need to bring a TV into the preschool room and have the children watch The Lion King to learn about the circle of life. Keep me updated.
Chris
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
CDC Office Manager
Burbank Community YMCA
Child Development Center
---
From: Matt Koskenmaki
To: Chris
Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 4:25 PM
Subject: Re: Preschool theme of the week - Death
To: Chris
Sent: Friday, April 22, 2011 4:25 PM
Subject: Re: Preschool theme of the week - Death
Chris, I held a small funeral service for blue crab in my backyard today, rest in peace. I think it's less likely the crab died from a broken heart, as I previously surmised, and more likely it died from lack of heat, humidity, and salt water, all of which are required for a proper crabby habitat and all of which the pet store neglected to mention to me in caring for hermit crabs. In fact they specifically told me all the crabs needed was a cold tank with a little sand, fresh water, and food. From now on I plan to get my crab info from a reliable source, such as the internet.
Anyway, room four now has a happily heated and humidified crab habitat, complete with a hopefully happy cast of hermit crabs. Did you know a group of crabs is called a 'cast'? I'm not sure that's right, I've seen them referred to as a 'cast of crabs', 'pod of crabs', 'colony of crabs', 'scuttle of crabs', and 'consortum of crabs'. Personally I like 'consortum' the best.
Matt Koskenmaki
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Epilogue: there were more emails after this that, again, I can't find. I don't know what happened to the crabs (Zoe has since moved to a different school) but the last time I saw them there were five of them, alive and well.
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